Jake turned up the heat in our community and has us exposing our Ugly Parts …
“We all have an ugly side. Its inhuman not too. We try to hide it and cover it up with all kinds of pleasantries, but deep down inside us, it’s in there. You see, its easier to love and embrace the good in ourselves than look at the darkness which we all have. We focus on our talents and strengths, and overlook that little part of us that tend to be a little ugly. The ugly side is much more difficult to love. We feel guilty and ashamed of it, and we try to hide it from others. But in reality, these ugly parts are the key to our happiness. Learning to let go and to accept ourselves for who we are, can lead to lifelong happiness.
So, this week I want to see your ugly part. Show us the things that you don’t want others to know about…..”
Jake is completely RIGHT … it is in the embracing of our uglies that they no longer have control over our lives! It was during my Advanced Course at Landmark that I uncovered MANY of my ways of behaving that created the life that had my ‘unhappy’ behind closed doors, when all the while I was putting on a happy face to the world. For in reality it is how the world occurs for us and the acts we put on that create the personal hell we live in. So many in our community shared perfectly several of my other ‘uglies’ … impatience while driving, loosing my temper, my directness coming across as rude, the list goes on. For my photograph though I captured the MACK DADDY of my uglies … after a turbulent childhood I developed a wall of “I Don’t Need You!” around me bigger than The Wall of China. I painted it with a happy face of “no really it’s me not you, good-bye, I wish you all the best”, acted as if it didn’t matter that people let me down and walked out on me, heck, I even kindly escorted them out the door … when behind my back I was fuming with a “FUCK YOU, I Don’t Need You Anyway!” Truth is, I didn’t need them, I built my life such that I believed with all my being I didn’t need ANYONE. It was during my Advanced Course I got to unveil that I was responsible for ALL of it, I created the situations that justified the leaving, I made myself righteous for being such an INDEPENDENT woman … yada, yada, yada. AND four years ago, when my life imploded … I was alone (in my mind, but that is a story for another time). I had to confront that I needed my daughter’s father, who ironically with the help of our daughter were the creators of this photo, as we all playfully laughed at how silly I am for acting this way, and over the last two years since I took my Advanced Course at Landmark, I have transformed that viewpoint. I no longer believe I don’t need others. I am responsible for holding a tight inner circle of people I do need and clearly own I am the one pushing people away. I powerfully make the choice as to whether I want that person in my life and I no longer wave good-bye in anger. As this photo perfectly portrays, in order for my hatred to exist, it must travel through me, to the other person. I am now free of that anger, I am sad when people leave my life, and I more freely open myself up to the possibility of others joining my inner circle. Now, instead … I wave joyfully with both hands, mean it when I wish the person all the best, and know I have leagues of people in my life that I not only need, they are there for me!
Quote to Ponder
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
This image and Jenuine share are part of a Google+ Community I participate in that leads … titled Assignment for Jake. A private space where ~30 photographers create images in response to assignments. I share all of mine publicly in addition to my activities within the community. If you want to follow along via email and ensure you don’t miss an assignment … sign up in the right column.
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